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The Cybersexual Bible
Edward Penishands Box Cover
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Studio: Video Team
Series:
Director:

Approximate Running Time: 01:13:50
Released:1991
Custodian of Records
CWM A modern day fairy tale, which tells the story of Edward, the man created by an inventor, who died b More

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  • Scene 2 - 16 mins 29 secs


     
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  • Scene 3 - 12 mins 59 secs


     
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Editor's Review


Alright, I’ll admit it – I’ve already reviewed this movie before. But that was about a million years ago (back in 2008), and it recently came up again when I was hanging out with some friends. Anyway, I was totally blown away the first time I watched this movie and was just as excited when I made my friends gather around my computer and watch a few clips. Clearly I have a hard time leaving my work at work. When I brought this masterpiece back to the front of my brain, I just knew I had to revisit it on the site and make sure that the most people possible have this hilarious/awesome porn in their lives. What can I say – you can just call me Mother Theresa.

As you guessed it, Edward Penishands in a spoof on the amazing Tim Burton movie from 1990, and better yet, it was made only a year later in ’91, so the camp is dated as it should be. I’m so serious when I say this is one of my favorite pornos. Sure, I’m not gonna go jerk off to it, but for me, that’s not the point. The fact that I want to watch it over and over again is what does it for me. It’s like the extra dirty version of the obsession I had with Dirty Dancing when I was younger. Anyway, back to the review…

Edward Penishands follows the same story as the original, featuring an inventor that creates a man, but dies before being able to finish him, leaving large penises where his hands should be. And who should find him but a saleslady selling her wares door-to-door, who finds out that he is all alone, fucks his penis hands and his crotch penis and then brings him home.

Ok, let’s touch on a few things before we go any further. First, yes, he does ejaculate out of his penis hands – a lot. Second, yes, his penis hands go look like turkey drumsticks. And third, yes, his wrists look like wrinkled, vein-y ball sacks. That all makes you want to watch it even more, right? Thought so.

So, saleslady brings Edward home and he gets busy with all the neighborhood biddies, one on each dick arm, which is pretty impressive. We even get a little hand-to-hand jerk off action where his hands spurt all over the place (this is my favorite part). The saleslady’s daughter is totally creeped out by him, but eventually has a change of heart and lets him shower her with his come. All’s well that ends well.

The whole thing is surreal and ridiculous and totally amazing. I give it two big penis thumbs up!