Flame

I picked "Flame" out for my usual shallow reasons: it had a boxcover that reminded me of a romance novel and a plot seemingly to match. With the leading character named Flame O'Hara, I thought I was in for a sappy romantic treat in porn form. A nice bodice ripper with real bodies added for extra hotness.

Unfortunately there wasn't really any resemblance to the bodice rippers I remember. The supposed heroine, Flame, is dumped unceremoniously in the woods by her former lover after he catches her in bed with a younger, hotter, man (the one on the cover) it's implied that he beats her slightly bloody before depositing her there. Flame is then picked up by Doris, the kind (doormat) wife of the lead male character Mac. Doris insists that Flame come stay with her and Mac. Soon Doris is confiding to Flame that her and Mac have been having serious marital problems. Shortly after that -Mac is seducing Flame. There's a very heated love scene between Mac and Flame, which takes place in front of the fireplace, while Doris weeps in another room.

The next day, Flame's old lover (the one that supposedly beat her and dumped in the woods) comes back for her and she decides to ride off into the sunset with him. Mac tries to stop her but Flame is having none of it and happily trots off into the arms of the man that beat her, leaving Doris to deal with the sure knowledge that Mac has been cheating on her both emotionally and physically. In the end Doris literally crawls up to an emotionally distraught Mac mouths "I love you," and practically begs for a chance to suck his cock.

Now, I'll admit your average romantic novel has any number of questionable ideas of romance, but the way the women in "Flame" took so many helpings of crap pie and smiled while doing it was a complete turn off for me. That and the mullets, seriously who thinks mullets are a turn on? Out of the five sex scenes I'd say only 3 of them were particularly hot, if taken out of context. So if you're someone who likes to fast forward to the sexy bits and ignore the stuff in between - this might be a great movie for you, otherwise I'd say steer clear.