HotMovies Reviews 'Talk Derby To Me': Stoya's Return to XXX
Sweetheart Video and director Ricky Greenwood's big-budget sports drama is the 80s bubblegum lesbian wet dream that we didn't know we needed. Allison Decker (played by Joanna Angel) and Suzy Weston (the triumphant return of Stoya!), used to be known as the unbeatable duo, BRUISER & CRUSHER. Allison and Suzy ruled the track dominating the roller derby world until their relationship ended with Suzy's sudden knee injury and Allison moving to New York. Suzy is now the coach of the Los Angeles PUSSY POSSE, and Allison has just reappeared out of thin air, hoping Suzy will forgive her and let her return to her former glory, where everything started. Our bad-ass players in the world of roller derby battle backstage bullying, fierce competition, and the drive for some serious action both on and off the track!
Scene No. 1 - The New Girl's Initiation
After a fantastic opening-credits sequence introducing our colorful cast, we spy on Joanna Angel's "Allison Decker" waiting in her car. Inside, Stoya's "Suzie Weston" is coaching a tough practice. There's some cattiness and bullying between teammates, but Stoya is heading out early to meet an old friend. Allison is back in town after a mysterious six-year absence. Allison and Suzy were the badasses of their day in the ring and were known affectionately as BRUISER and CRUSHER. But Suzy doesn't want to waste any time and wants to know why Allison has returned now. Allison wants back on the PUSSY POSSE. It's been three years since she's had skates on. "We're dinosaurs," Suzy tells Allison. Allison still wants a shot. Suzy tells her she's going to have to compete for the spot. Suzy hints that the battle will be bloody, but offers Allison a place to crash. At practice, Suzy informs her team that Charlotte's injury is worse than expected, and she's out all season. Would that be Charlotte Stokely Stoya is referring to? It's amusing and sweet how Charlotte's sexy shadow is cast over the plot of a Ricky Greenwood film she isn't even in starring in. She truly is his muse! And mine!
That means the position for the star "jammer" is up for grabs. Stoya introduces the team to the two new candidates. Carmen Caliente plays a firey blonde named Lollipop, with big hopes to make the final cut. And then there's Allison's Alleycat. Stoya blows her whistle and the girls start with the basics. We meet Gina Paige's wannabe-jammer character aptly called "SuperVixen," and her beautiful and cat-like companion, "Black Widow," played by the lovely Katrina Jade.
Lollipop follows SuperVixen and Black Widow into the locker room after practice. SuperVixen is talking shit on Allison with Black Widow and has earned her moniker in the first ten minutes of the film. Gia Paige is clearly the BIFF character. Alleycat is just too old to compete or even matter anymore according to Gia Paige's Biff. SuperVixen and Black Widow used to actually admire Alleycat... but no more. Of course, Allison hears all this from the other side of the locker room. However, SuperVixen and Black Widow think very highly of each other. They swap a few quick, deep kisses as Lollipop watches, a little embarrassed. Black Widow and SuperVixen take off their tops, flaunting their breasts to Lollipop before undressing her. They slap her ass and examine that cute little asshole before the trio come close to share some handfuls of Katrina Jade's pierced tits.
The sex might be Lollipop's initiation, or it's just that SuperVixen and Black Widow really want to see what she taste like. The girls tear and pull off their fishnets. Carmen Caliente is all about Gia Paige's beautiful big ass. Lollipop digs damn deep with her tongue into SuperVixen's ass cheeks, while Black Widow's Katrina Jade runs her fingers across Carmen's writhing body.
Gia Paige and Katrina Jade take turns on new-girl's <a href="wet pussy. But this catty threesome is really all about the ass. Carmen sits on Gia Paige's hungry mouth, before moving to her tits while Katrina Jade eats Gia's pussy. Our teammates come in for one last close embrace to taste each other's tight assholes still on their lips (and wet fingertips!). Lollipop has made the cut. That's what teamwork looks like!
Scene No. 2 - Allison vs. Suzy
Aerial urban shots of the Los Angeles skyline and a blazing synth score takes us into the next scene were we meet Elsa Jean's nerdy but adorable Youngblood. Youngblood appears to be team's sexy little punching bag. Allison DOES NOT approve, but it's not something that amounts to more than, "that's just the way it is." That's not good enough for Allison. Allison confronts SuperVixen. Allison comes armed with sense and humanity, but SuperVixen is just an ageist, bullying asshole. Total Biff. Allison challenges SuperVixen to a backward Texas Brawl. And she can even pick her own team. SuperVixen is IN. And so are we. Suzy catches them in the moment and calls them to her office to CHEW them out. SuperVixen is no leader, but whoever wins the challenge will get to be the star jammer! Allison just wants to be a regular player, but "fuck that shit" Suzy barks. We watch Youngblood do some laps in her pink skates. This nerd can skate. Allison retires to the locker room to undress and walk off some soreness, and we see that Youngblood clearly has a crush on her new teammate. She thanks Allison for standing up for her, with some sexy awkwardness, and a slow shoulder massage after YoungBlood pulls off Allison's top. Youngblood hasn't reached her full potential yet according to Allison. And Allison needs a partner to train with.
Allison goes home to do her heroic "fallen badass recovering in the slow-motion stream of water" shower montage. Stoya's Suzie suddenly sneaks up from behind. Stoya and Joanna Angel share a deep kiss under the showerhead. Joanna Angel's gorgeous, punk-inspiredtattoos look like a comic panel come to life underneath the showerhead, and Stoya looks amazing. Apparently, Bruiser and Crusher have really MISSED each other.
Stoya takes a knee for Joanna Angel's pussy. She pushes her mouth and tongue deep inside the soaking wet Alleycat while water droplets slide down her colored thigh like rain. Allison pulls Suzie close again, kissing deeply and taking Suzie's fingers into her wet pussy. There's a heavy urgency in Joanna Angel's tortured moans as Stoya tongues her deeply while fingering her still-wet snatch. Allison quickly comes close to cumming, prompting a proud diabolic laugh from Suzie as she finger-fucks her old teammate. Allison gets on her knees to eat Suzie's hairy muff. Allison's fingers head-deep, and the lovers laugh and scream in ecstasy. This sex was a long time in the making, in front of the camera and behind it. Alleycat slams her coach's hairy pussy with her palm, prompting joyful cries from Suzy.
Allison lies in bed cuddled up next to her old teammate. Suzie still doesn't understand why Allison has come back. She believes in Allison still, but why come back to be her? In the ring, Allison knows how to be a champion, she knows how to be loved. Real life shows Allison a different story. Suzy suggests that Allison should take Youngblood under her wing. Everybody needs a good waif to help feel inspired now and then.
Scene No. 3 - And Baby Makes Three!
And cue Allison and Youngblood 80s training montage! Allison and Youngblood are also able to recruit two fellow Pussy Posse members to be on their team, "Mudhoney" played by Sovereign Syre, and "Sourpuss" played by Arabelle Raphael. Allison attempts to get Mudhoney and Sour Puss to hang out for a celebratory beer, but these two have a very special and important doctor's appointment. Fellow Pussy Posse members Mudhoney and Sourpuss are married, and they find out they're pregnant. The insemination has worked perfectly. However, Mudhoney must now stop all physical activity, but...
Mudhoney and Sourpuss want to fuck like it's their first time together all over again and not worry about another thing in their moment. Arabelle undresses Sovereign and then takes a mouthful of her breasts into her lips while her hand explores Sovereign's body. Sourpuss uses her sour-puss to make a full-course meal of her wife's pillowy big natural tits. Mudhoney instantly wants to return the favor and pulls off Sourpuss' top.
Arabelle then heads straight to Sovereign's wet pussy. Sovereign asks Arabelle for a kiss... not on the mouth, but on her lips. Sovereign leans back and lets Arabelle dive right into her pussy. She tongues Sovereign so well that she might even start expecting this every day now that she's carrying their child. Sovereign sits up for a kiss and for a taste of her own pussy. Tastes damn good from the sound Arabelle was making.
Mudhoney grinds her clit up against Sourpuss while they swap some spit. Mudhoney takes in her wive's natural scents and then puts her down on her back so Mudhoney can slide her fingers in Sourpuss' sweet pussy and get a long taste for herself. The sex between the two seems familiar, but still frenzied. Mudhoney SPITS onto Sourpuss' twat to wet her for her fingers. Sourpuss quickly comes close to an orgasm, but Mudhoney pulls back and goes back into her pussy with slower movements from her tongue. Sourpuss turns on her stomach and lets Mudhoney eat her ass. It's that butt; Mudhoney loves that fucking butt. Sourpuss' toes end up briefly in Mudhoney's hungry mouth before we end on the couple in some slow, but wet, deep kisses while Sourpuss massages her lover's pussy lips with her hand. Sovereign CUMS while in the middle of a deep kiss with Arabelle. This is how all committed loving parents should have sex.
Scene No. 4 - The Brawl Must Go On!
Joanna Angel & Elsa Jean
It's a BIG day for the Pussy Posse! But Mudhoney is no longer able to partner with Allison due to her pregnancy, but Youngblood volunteers in her place so the Backyard Texas Brawl will go on! Of course, Allison and Youngblood go on to kick some ass. Gia Paige's SuperVixen talks a bunch of shit, but she can't skate as well as the blossoming Youngblood. Allison and Youngblood WIN and they BOTH get to stay on the Pussy Posse. Of course, Joanna Angel's Allison is a good sport and reaches out to make amends with the bitchy Gia Paige. Maybe they can all be friends after all... probably not.
Elsa Jean's Youngblood stops at Suzy's place with a six-pack of beer. Youngblood isn't sure why Allison is still here, but Allison says Los Angeles is expensive, and goddammit if she ain't right. Youngblood suggests a solution: roommates maybe? But even though blonde sweetheart Youngblood is fidgety again, she's also suggesting something else. "Why have you never tried to kiss me?" Elsa Jean asks Joanna Angel. Joanna's Allison is genuinely surprised by this question, but not offended...
Of course, Allison thinks Youngblood is beautiful. She's an excellent skater and hardly blind to Youngblood's innocent blonde charms. Elsa Jean and Joanna Angel fall on the bed, pressing their bodies up against one another. Allison is quickly naked but it takes a few minutes for Youngblood to get rid of that tight pair of denim hot pants that are clinging to her pussy. After Allison and Youngblood exchange wet kisses on one another's tits, Allison reaches for that pretty pink snatch behind the denim. Allison devours Youngblood's shaved pussy before falling onto her back and letting Youngblood's tongue probe her warm lips.
Allison has a winner's face, so Youngblood sits on it. Allison rubs her pussy like she's a nose away from the finish line while eating out Youngblood. Allison turns around to let Youngblood bring her closer to the finish with a tasty rimjob and a finger fuck. Allison needs another deep kiss before taking her turn to sit on Youngblood's face. Youngblood keeps her nose planted firmly into Allison's landing strip. Self-confidence and a winning attitude does wonders for an intense session of deep, lip-spreading oral sex, because Allison CUMS in Youngblood's mouth. Allison then slips a long finger into Youngblood's pussy while sucking on her swollen clit. Allison pulls back to use two hands and finds the perfect spot. Youngblood keeps her slender, white legs spread wide for Allison's lips and fingers. Our two derby stars have found new inspiration in each other... they finish in a slow grind and deep kiss.
It looks like its going to be a really good season!
Like Ricky's past features, he takes his time with the sex scenes, reveling in the intimacy and playfulness between his pairings that make it well worth the wait. The main pairing that everyone has been talking about is the intense and emotionally authentic shower sex between Stoya and Joanna Angel. Stoya and Joanna have some great acting chops beyond the sex, and the scene is bound to get an AVN nomination, but Joanna Angel's book-ending sex scene with Elsa Jean's Youngblood is almost as intense and just as satisfying. The opening credits are fun and set the mood for the film perfectly. The entertainment value is top-notch, as is Ricky Greenwood's eye behind the camera. But the cherry on top besides the anticipated Joanna Angel-Stoya match-up? It's the soundtrack. The synth score by Boris Novak is incredible. A great girl-on-girl film that delivers on the hype, not just for fans of girls with gorgeous tattoos and knee-high socks, but fans of fast-paced throwback storytelling with great fucking sexual pairings. Long live the 80s!
Is roller derby still a thing, or did it die with Artax, Cory Hart, and the rest of the 80s in the Swamps of Sadness? Hopefully not, because I think I'm a sports fan now...