National Masturbation Month comes an end just as summer starts. That warm breeze coming in through the window and those picturesque daydreams of calm beaches and rolling waves may draw us out of our houses and into the arms of a partner or summer fling, but Stoney Rubble and everyone here at HotMovies knows that masturbation is a year-long event no matter what. We've decided to end the month-long celebration with another try and explainer for "Hands-Free Masturbation" - that elusive masturbation technique that some argue is a myth like the Loch Ness Monster or Big Foot.

Big Foot is REAL guys.

Don't believe me? Well go rummaging around in the Pervered Stories series from JM Productions, one of the world's most-trusted docu-series of batshittery and what-the-fuck-ness around. But anywho...

Hands-Free Masturbation is a technique analogous to meditation, mindfulness, and being in the moment. Not as easy as it sounds. I'd even recommend that you should try those techniques and breathing patterns while watching your favorite movie to get the juices flowing, but you can and probably should just use your mind once you have a better grasp on the mindfulness techniques.

One thing that I adore at the moment is GOOD bisexual porn. So I've chosen Devil's Film's newest romp Bi-sexually Active. Whether you choose a more visual medium like pornography or your imagination, remember it's about privacy, relaxing, and focusing on your breath. And remember, for the most part, no matter how intense the urge gets, I am not using hands!

Just some perspective, I'm a cis-male, so although I still think some of these techniques could work on other gender identities, this experience is coming from my own biased, perverted, emotionally-damaged male gaze. Which is something else I'm working to improve, but here's how I proceeded in ten steps:

1. Get comfortable, and get alone.

Oh, you have a partner? That's great! Kick their asses out of the room and tell them you'll need them later for clean-up (if you're successful!) or for relief (if you're a failure!).

2. Focus on big, deep breaths at first.

I started the film from the very beginning of the scene I wanted, but then I shifted my attention away from that and back to my breathing.

3. Close your eyes as you are taking your breaths, and very incrementally become aware of the sounds around you, the audio of the film you're using as a visual, even any background noise from the weather or outside.

Eyes are still closed. Become aware of your immediate surroundings.

4. Take a few minutes to do a mental body scan from head-to-toe.

How are you feeling? What are you feeling? Keep breathing, especially focusing on the OUT breath.

5. Pay attention to your erogenous zones

Whatever they may be for you, I certainly know where mine are... notice how they're feeling as you breathe and do your mental body scan. Concentrate on the areas that feel especially tingly or relaxed. Watch out for your body throwing you red herrings. My balls tingle all the time, so I didn't maintain my focus there, but on the movement of my chest and belly as I took deep breaths in and out.

6. Cheat.

That's right, fucking cheat a little bit. This is masturbation, not your SATs or a presidential election. Especially if this is the first or second time you're attempting this technique. As I felt the blood flowing, I took a few moments to use my fingers to quickly tease those erogenous areas, but I brought my hands back to my sides comfortably.

7. Bring your breathing back to its regular rhythm as you open your eyes.

But still keep a focus on that out-breath, and the sensations in your erogenous zones as you watch the hot scene you love from the sex film or Game of Thrones.

8. Now focus on the tone of the audio, the frequencies, the sound of the sex.

Right now you should be breathing regularly again, relaxed, and focused on that out-breath, and the out-breaths of the performers nice enough to have sex on camera so you can get off!

9. Embrace the feeling of relaxation, and the slowness.

Don't think about rushing, and don't think about cheating again right now. This technique takes time for beginners. Become one with the sounds and your breathing.

10. Sync your breathing with the performers, if possible.

Just wait for the orgasm to build from head-to-toe, and then from chest-to-belly, belly-to-groin.

Just follow the feeling in your body and allow it to take you where it wants to go. This technique is a lot like filmmaking or trying to get meth from your dealer... there's a lot of waiting around and PATIENCE is needed.

So is Big Foot real? How did I do on my seconnd attempt? Let's see.

Nope. Failure. And I can't remember that last time I've been so frustrated trying to get off.

And failure is okay because I felt my orgasm get really close. Close as a sneeze, and then I did EXACTLY what I've been telling all of you NOT to do and I lost patience.

I blame it on Penelope Reed.

I blame it on Dante Colle.

And I REALLY blame it on Gabriel D'alessandro.

I made it about twenty minutes into the first scene, feeling so close, but lost control of my extremities when Penelope Reed received some sloppy oral sex from both Gabriel and Dante. Then my mindfulness technique got sloppy, and my hands were down my pants... and that's all she wrote.

Third time's a charm? Seriously, maybe it is! As a budding hormonal teenager, it certainly took me more than three times to just master the technique of masturbation the old-fashioned way. I may be a failure, but I'm not quitter, well I mean one should never quit at failing, or... what were we talking about? All this mindfulness and hot bisexual porn is giving me a headache.


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